Since the season of Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards Men is past, I’d like to chat about some folks no doubt standing in the returns lines at WalMart right now. Yes, I’m talking about you idiots that have Black Belts in Shopping Cart.
Holy Christ I hope you don’t drive a car the way you push that damn cart around. It seems I can’t go into a WalMart or H-E-B without having to limp out, go home, and ice one or both of my ankles that have been blasted by one of you blind twits.
And oh yeah, I mean BLIND. Shopping carts are by design somewhat large, the better to hold lots of groceries. And you people, OMG you’re good at just leaving them all over, making it impossible to walk past (albeit much better to slow me down so some other sadisitc bastard can ram into me).
Totally oblivious to what’s going on around you, and just rolling along until you smash into some unsuspecting shopper trying to pick the best price on soup or other items.
I especially get a kick out of you Moms that have little Joe Bob push the cart for you. Yeah, he’s being Mommy’s Big Boy, but when I see a shopping cart handle with nothing but knuckles on the handlebar, I immediately start hoping my auto-icemaker isn’t on the fritz. So thanks Moms for yet another sore ankle and thigh bruise. Guess that little design there to allow kids to sit IN the cart is too technical for you to handle.
So this Friday, please FOAD and allow me to shop for groceries this weekend in safety.
Not So Much 