So what’s in a name? (resolved – sort of)

I can’t remember names. Seriously. It’s awful. I would like to think that after 26 years working pre-hospital emergency care (a.k.a. being a Paramedic) that I just ended up with too many names to remember.

That’s not exactly accurate. You see, I never forget a face. I’m also one to remember how I’ve interacted with a person or intimate details that the person has told me about their life, and their family, and children, etc. So I can meet someone and ask them if their daughter got to go to the college she was hoping to get accepted to, etc. But I can’t remember the name.

If I’m alone this isn’t an issue. When Raven is standing there it’s sort of a problem. I can’t very well introduce her to Mr. Idunnowhothispersonis now can I?

It’s also fun when I’m trying to tell her something. She sits there while I give information and then butcher the name (provided I even try to remember it).

It’s not like Raven doesn’t exact revenge for this shortcoming of mine (of course). She will ask me – ME – “Do you remember the name of that person that (insert what happened here)?” just for grins. Or maybe she’ll say “Bill and Mary from work wanted to have us over for dinner. What do you think?”

Uh-huh. On a good day (for me) I can try and escape with a “Aww, your cats are so cute! Come look at this!” or ask how her brother is doing at work (Yes, I can remember his name). Once she goes for the direct question though I’m screwed to the wall. Maybe if she tossed in that Bill and Mary are the ones with the hyperactive brat that never wipes his nose, I would know enough to say “Gee, I think I’m gonna be sick that day” or something appropriate.

It also works in Raven’s favor that her friends speak German and I don’t yet. They could be calling me all sorts of vile things with a smile and I won’t know it until I learn German. Even if I remember what was said, I won’t remember the name so who the hell will I be mad at?

All in all, this is one that I have to concede that I’m horrid, and also applaud Raven for accepting this shortcoming with grace, except for those times when she wants to torture me with a reminder of said shortcoming.

It’s a planet, not your damn phonebooth

This weeks FFOAD goes out to all you cell phone-abusing cretins that have no sense of self. You useless, simple-minded asshats, the lot of you.

Cell phones were, and are a great idea. Better than the old CB radios, people stranded on a highway can call for help – privately. Need to make contact in an emergency? Cell phones are great. But it’s gone so far beyond that. People have those damn things welded to their fucking heads all the time. (Better still, they get those neat little earpiece/microphone sets that you can’t see for even more fun.) Walking, talking, driving, talking, shopping, talking. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Please.

It’s been proven that people that talk on cell phones – even using “hands free” systems – while driving have worse reaction times than drunk drivers. (Personally I think that’s because drunk drivers are at least trying not to have an accident.) “Phone drivers” are just lost in their own little conversation world, oblivious to the rest of us (and “the rest of us” is a steadily shrinking number right now) that have to avoid these asshats.

What is it with you people anyways? Are you so fucking insecure that you can’t go to a store and make a purchase without a conference call and the use of a camera phone to send pictures of your intended purchase to all your friends for approval? Oh, and to the guy in line at H-E-B that called his wife to ask “Paper or Plastic?” – the Men’s Club called, they want you to turn in your testicles.

Oh, and when you’re talking on your cell phone, why do you people always have to talk THIS FUCKING LOUD? I don’t wanna be part of your damn conversation. I especially don’t like it when someone standing near me asks a question, and I answer it – only to have them smile and point at their phone earpiece. I really want to give those people a black eye to go with their Bluetooth. I mean that.

In truth, I don’t want to be part of or annoyed by your conversation in a store, in a theatre, or in a restaurant. I can’t believe there is a conversation so important that it can’t wait until you are in a secluded spot. Especially you retards that have your spats over the phone. What, you expect me to cheer you on or something? STFU!! I also think that cell phones are a way that people abdicate their requirement for personal responsibility. If there’s a choice to be made, have someone else make it!! That’s right! The movie you wanted isn’t in? Hey no problem! Don’t even try and make a decision, yank out that damn cell phone and call home and ask.

Maybe it’s my age showing. I have no problem getting into my car and being alone with my thoughts and the radio. I don’t need to my phone, to be a stereo. When I want to watch TV I use a – wait for it – TV. I can enjoy sitting in a quiet house reading a book, where the only “soundtrack” is the birds singing and the odd buzz from insects flying close to the screen.

Since this is the season for giving, please give us a break and on this Friday – FOAD.

A Dog’s Life

I’ll never understand the differences between my two Border Collies – Buddy and Max (they have many nicknames, like Bud and Bud Light for example).

Max is all energy, and will no doubt act like a puppy until the day he dies. He will run until he drops, take 5 minutes to recharge and then run again. He can play “fetch” until my arm goes numb from throwing the ball.

Buddy? Definitely the thinker. Throw the ball for Buddy and he will bring it back. Throw it again, and he will bring it back. Third time, he goes and gets it, then goes off to chew the ball after giving you that “Screw you pal, if you don’t want it then I’m going to chew on it.”

Mornings (ongoing)

I am a morning person.

That is, I get up and I’m awake. I also get up before my alarm goes off, and for me that means a natural wake-up around 4:30am. Raven isn’t a morning person. I think if the normal “day” for people started around noon, she’d be happy.

I tend to be a little frisky in the morning, which has led to her making assorted threats of dismemberment. (Thus endeth my ideas about Wake-up Sex)

She views my “morningness” as an abomination, and the fact that I don’t need coffee to start my engine an affront to Nature. Mind you, when we’re together she doesn’t complain about me being up early and feeding the cats – so they don’t bother her – one little bit.

Raven really isn’t an evil person, and after she’s awake (I use that term loosely here) and had her coffee and some time to fully come around is quite wonderful, and once the growling and dark stares stop is fun to cuddle with. As great a fault my being a Morning Person is, she still loves me. Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner I guess eh?

Where did you get your license?

Today’s first Friday Fuck Off And Die goes out to Austin Drivers that can’t get their heads around the idea that you “Drive Right, Pass Left”, and instead keep their slow-driving asses in the left lane, going 40 in a 60, with traffic piling up behind them.

You oblivious assholes don’t look in your rearview mirrors, because if you did you would notice the lights flashing, and also see that the person behind you is moving their lips – and they ain’t singin’ along to their favorite song, asshat.

Bad enough that you can’t seem to get your asses in gear to go the speed limit. but you go just as slow as the driver in the right lane, meaning you are part of a 2-Man Traffic Jam, all because you have to drive 10 miles in the left lane because you’re going to make a left turn. Somewhere. Eventually. It’ll probably happen.

The police are never around to pull you over and pummel you into a coma like you deserve. No, the police are tied up directing traffic around an accident one of your kind has caused, because people that just want to get the work and get away from your sorry asses take chances and do dangerous things.

So please. This Friday, FOAD. Save us a weekend from your no-drivin’ asses.

…Or my girlfriend will beat you up.

I think every MMO has players that take anti-social behavior to new levels every chance they get. Since WoW has 7 million players, it’s good odds are you’re going to run into an asshat at some point. So as I stumble along collecting soil or eggs or pelts for a quest, I stumble across players that find it high comedy to make my life miserable.

This isn’t going to be some long psychological profile piece on “What I Think Is Wrong With Online Gamers That Misbehave”, rather an interesting note on another aspect of the game.

Raven’s characters are much higher “levels” than mine, and as anyone that plays WoW knows, “Level = Power”. A quick word over the voice program (or a quick message if the voice program isn’t running), and a high-level Angel of Retribution appears to bedevil those that bedevil me. Yes, it’s like a small child running to mommy, but face it folks, Mom never shot someone in the ass with an arrow to get her point (no pun intended) across.

It’s loads of fun to see the tables turned on the “Grief Player”, and their reaction. Add in the fact that it’s a guy getting his virtual ass whipped by a GIRL, and you’ve got some comedy gold.

The Lovers That Slay Together

Raven (my soulmate) and I – like 7 million other people – play the online game World of Warcraft from Blizzard Entertainment. While we share so many things in common, our approach to the game is significantly different in some ways.

I need to talk about Raven. She is a rare combination of beauty and intellect. Don’t let the long blonde hair and gorgeous eyes highlighting a beautiful face deceive – she’s not one you make “blonde jokes” about. Raven is an executive that handles communication for a large multi-national corporation. She is multilingual, and speaks English better than a lot of “native” Engilsh speakers (Like oh, George W. Bush for example).

She brings this intelligence to WoW. She reads about the game, the quests, the challenges, the character types. She has links to important websites that offer help and hints. When she approaches a challenge in the game, she knows what to expect and has a plan. Raven is a Success Story waiting to happen.

Me? I’m Groundhog Day Meets Sword and Sorcery. I approach a quest with all the finesse and preparation of a brick through a plate glass window, and will be headed back to resurrect and collect my gear thinking “Okay this time I’ll try…”

Many of our online adventures together in the game start with me saying “C”mon, how hard can it be?” (I should point out that Raven’s avatars are far more advanced than mine. She will bring her game character and experience along with me as I approach a quest to help me, and I never cease to find new ways to make things go very, very wrong.)

Through the magic of the internet and voice over IP, Raven and I can communicate even though separated. She can say “NO WAIT!” and it sounds like she’s sitting in the room with me (and at those points I think she really wishes she was there with me, within arm’s reach).

As my soulmate, Raven will agree that we communicate on a non-verbal level. Even if she didn’t even think it, I’ll hear it. For example, she’ll say “Stand right here and don’t move”, and I hear the unspoken “Until I get busy clearing the area. Then you can wander off and come screaming back to me with half this dungeon in tow.”

And when we’re coming back from the angel to resurrect and collect gear together, she’s sometimes silent. You know that’s true love.

Love is…

Online?

At least that’s how I found my lady love. We met in an online game 5 years ago.

“Lady Love” doesn’t do it justice. Soulmate is really more accurate. I know people talk all corny and wax poetic, but after 5 years – the vast majority of that time spent 5,000 miles from each other – I’m pretty sure I have it right. (Finally)

She knows me and I her, and she could have walked away a long time ago and didn’t, and hasn’t. We share similar political and social beliefs – we think alike to a point where it seems supernatural. This is a person that finishes my sentences, or says what I say at the exact same moment. That’s a lot of fun around friends and family, I mean all the “awws” and strange looks are always a grin. Granted when it happens out in public people tend to hold up crosses at us and back away muttering prayers and incantations, but we don’t live in a perfect world.

This is also a first Blog post that I need to get out of the way. Suffice to say there will be more (with pictures!), and I suspect they shall be more enjoyable reads.

- JL